It is Christmas week, so I am going to skip the Rules for once and hope that you enjoy something much lighter. I am a fan and follower of the very humorous Twitter account, @golfclubwankers (apologies for their name, but I didn’t choose it)! The following excuses made by golfers have been shamelessly copied from their tweets over the past few months. I wonder how many of them you have heard, or used.
“I’m usually better than this”
This excuse is usually a desperate attempt to save face with playing partners, especially if you’re playing with people for the first time. It can also be accompanied by, “I never do that at the range”.
“The wind changed on my back swing”
The perfect excuse to use during even the calmest of days. The change of wind is usually your club whooshing past your ear which is coincidentally the reason you hit the bad shot.
“I just didn’t know how it was going to come out”
Usually reserved for thick lies in the rough, this classic excuse usually comes after you hit a perfect Phil Mickelson escape flop shot, the only problem is you were hitting a 4 iron.
“I haven’t been playing much recently”
A classic excuse that plays on the empathy of all those we play with. Having a baby will definitely ruin your golf game, but it will give you a plethora of additional good excuses.
“That putt would have been in two weeks ago, bloody rain”
There’s no excuse for leaving a putt short, but we seem to invented plenty, blaming the speed of grass seems to be the easiest. A poor excuse but we have all done it.
“I just can’t swing it properly in waterproofs”
Another wet weather excuse, this line is frowned up on at all times, especially if the person saying it has recently spent big money on new Galvin Greens.
“There’s too much / not enough sand in the bunkers”
If you haven’t said this you don’t play enough golf. People will go into a bunker hit one yard behind the ball then complain… Classic!
“These greens are sh*t”
A popular blanket excuse that covers all aspects of putting. Also available in this category are: “The holes are crowned” and “It’s too bobbly.” Just be sure nobody else makes a putt on the same green if you intend to use this excuse.
"I've got the ability to be a good golfer, just not the time".
The higher the handicap the more likely you are to hear this one.
Yes it is an impossible game - but we love it!
Happy Holidays to all my readers,
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Note that the above material was copied from the @golfclubwankers Twitter account.